I feel pathetic... I know why I still come on here. And its for a reason I should just completely kill. What's wrong with me?

Im still so interested in people who hate my guts... And who really want me to leave them alone. Why can't I just move on? They all did. Is it because I feel guilt? Im obsessed? Im trying to be even more mean to them? The thing is I don't even know anymore. Its become a habit to check in on them on a daily basis.... Especially one of them... I still think about it... And well, I was never a douche bag directly to her and she hates the guy I was a douche to anyways... Should she still hate me? Can I be so easily forgotten? Is it weird I hope she reads this? I don't know what to say/do. Im not a bad person. I just do bad things.